7 Vulnerabilities of the Human Heart (to manipulation)

1. People pleasing
2. Constant need for approval or acceptance
3. Fear of negative emotions
4. Lack of assertiveness and inability to say “no”
5. Vanishing person
6. Lack of self-reliance
7. External locus of control

More in-depth explanation –

1. People pleasing – when someone’s focus is entirely on pleasing others. Growing up, this was their
culture, all they knew, or possibly one of the greatest passions of their heart. This can open them up to
manipulation from others who aim to take advantage of that. This person can get a strong sense of value
from pleasing in serving others. They may view their self-image entirely as a servant of people. They could
have a skewed sense of perception on boundaries in regards to serving the needs and pleasing the desires
of others. This person could possibly have had an upbringing where they had no choice but to learn to
function by almost anticipating someone else’s desires. Strong characteristics can also be low self-esteem,
lack of self-worth, and lack of solid identity. Because of this the person will try to accommodate
everyone’s wishes, demands, requests, pressures, and suggestions.

2. Constant need for approval or acceptance – though this sounds the same as people pleasing,
it is entirely different. Need for approval is rooted more in self-image issues. Acceptance needed by
someone could be an indicator that they have a rejection complex wrestling with them from within. This
puts the person in that hunger and constant desire to get approval and acceptance of others before they
will make decisions, take actions, or do things on their own. Their greatest fear can be that someone
would disapprove or go against them. This could be prominent in those individuals who are afraid or
uncomfortable with conflict altogether.

3. Fear of negative emotions – fear negative emotions is when someone makes decisions and
functions based on steering away from others’ reactions to them. This is also one those individuals who
are fearful of conflict and avoided all cost. Once the manipulator realizes that he would use it for his
advantage. Their worst nightmare is that someone would lash out to them in anger, or disapproval, or
frustration, or a negative facial expression. This person will avoid creating or evoking any negative
emotion out of someone else. Because of this, a manipulator will figure out all they have to do is act angry
– in this individual will do as they wish.

4. Lack of assertiveness and inability to say “no” – this individual has had little success at ever
saying no to anyone for a variety of reasons. They are really unaware of the issues of boundaries,
limitations, or even the value system of being able to rest (by not value in rest, they do not have enough
willpower or see the importance of saying no). This individual can simply be asked to do just about
anything and they will say yes. They can struggle with an obligation or feeling that they must always
accommodate the requests of others. These individuals can be prone to having guilt when saying no. This
can also be common among those who are “works – based” thinkers. They work for their value – and
therefore believe that saying no to someone, is rejecting them, or not showing a “Christian witness.” This
is completely unhealthy thinking. Lack of assertiveness can be a developmental issue in the upbringing,
where the individual never learned how to put their foot down, have backbone, or stand up for
themselves. Another part of this can be lack of self esteem where they value others over themselves.

5. Vanishing person – this person lacks clarity on their identity. They have a limited understanding
about themselves, and don’t have a clarity on “who” they are. This person’s identity continues to get
more and more blurry as life beats them up. They potentially started with the lack of clarity and identity,
and the more and more life and people push them around, the more they lose a sense of identity. They
don’t know their likes or dislikes, their wishes and dreams, their desires, their gifts, their worst, their
value, and who they are or who they will become. Because of this blurriness – they become easy for
manipulators to dominate. They can sometimes have very needy personalities because they don’t know
who they are – and therefore attach themselves to someone else. [This is why it's important to teach your
child who they are in Christ!]

6. Lack of self-reliance – this person doesn’t know what clothing to wear, where to work, when to
smile, when to say something, or where to live. They always need someone else to lead them, show them
the way, give them direction, instruct them, explain to them things, and much more. This person has
never become responsible or realize their potential. They lack a self-responsible, self-mastering, and
selfinitiative part of their heart to do anything. Their entire life revolves around being supported by others in
all that they do. Without self-reliance, people are easier to manipulate because they depend on others.
The ones upon whom they depend can easily dominate them and direct them to do various things even
against this person’s wishes and desires.

7. External locus of control – your locus of control is the core of who you are. An internal locus of
control means that you internally determine the quality of life. External locus of control means that you
view that every external circumstance, and factor – determines the quality of your life. People with an
external locus of control have a bad day because of bad weather. They have a bad day because someone
didn’t smile at them. They have a bad day because someone did say hi to them. But a person of internal
locus of control has a great day no matter what is going on externally.