2 Chronicles 20:20 “believe in His prophets and you shall prosper.”
Scriptures about “asking” :
1 John 5:14-15
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2 Chronicles 20:20 “believe in His prophets and you shall prosper.”
Scriptures about “asking” :
1 John 5:14-15
Ephesians 1:3 shows us we have been given all spiritual blessings in heavenly places. That means we have a resource from an economy not of this world.
2 Kings 6:17 shows us the power of someone seeing the economy they are plugged into and how they pray because of that. Elisha’s servant thinks they’re done because they are surrounded by many soldiers. They are seemingly in a bind. Elisha tells him not to fear because there’s more with them then against them. He then prays for his servant’s eyes to be opened. Even the servant saw! What did he see? The incredible backing which was behind Elisha. Elisha then prays that God smite his enemies with blindness and which He does. He prayed right because he “saw” right.
Ephesians 1:3 is much the same way.
Here is a list of things you have in Christ:
Manipulators affect your:
From wresting for the power balance of a relationship, a manipulator draws strength from causing you to continuously question your own thinking. Part of the steps to cut the manipulation off, is to trust yourself and your discernment. Trust what you are seeing, and what you are feeling. Many times, part of the manipulator’s agenda, is to give your thoughts no sense of authority.
Part of the process of manipulation steals the ability of the victim to see any alternatives of escaping the manipulative relationship. This is done by words, verbal and nonverbal communication. The victim’s perception is skewed by the thoughts, opinions, and threats of the manipulator. This is why the victim struggles to take steps to get out of the situation; embracing their own perception is needed to take the leap of faith.
The manipulator has created an inflated sense of power in the life of the victim, and has done the opposite to the victim. Through the relationship, the victim has grown weaker and weaker in how they feel, view themselves, and self-esteem. The more and more the relationship is manipulative, the more the manipulator’s sense of control is increased, and the victim becomes convinced that his or her needs, feelings, or desires are not of importance.
This teaching is a follow-up to the previous teaching on “Identifying Manipulation.” In the previous teaching, we went over the 7 vulnerabilities of the human heart. These vulnerabilities had to do with buttons manipulators can push to get us to do things we don’t always want to do.
This blog is about the 9 Manipulative people types. Think about it – human nature has developed in each of us. Blind spots evolve in our upbringing, lifestyle, untrained relationship skills, our weaknesses, our strengths, and our thought patterns. These blind spots are not always healthy. These blind spots can absolutely be manipulative ways in how we relate to others.
This teaching is not meant to mess you up by making you insecure – but it is meant to shine a light in your heart, and also to help you in certain stressful relationships in your life which could be manipulative.
When I, Cesar, began to develop this teaching, it began to open my eyes to many issues in the body of Christ; where people become Christians – but they bring in to the Kingdom their own ways of functioning in relationships. When God tells us in his word in 1st Corinthians 13 – Love is the way.
Love never manipulates. Love is a different way of functioning. In our pursuit of developing a Grace Culture, I want us to learn to love on a whole new level. This means undoing our insecurities, and dismantling our ways of manipulation. This is the truest, purest, in the most life-giving way of following Christ and being His disciple: which is to learn not to manipulate others or even yourself as you fulfill your destiny.
As you go over these people types – open your heart, be honest with yourself, and allow God to reveal to you a new side of who you are. Jesus is our Answer. Jesus is our Model. In Jesus is doing a good work in you. He will help you with this if you allow Him to.
When I created these 9 metaphors, I created them to be visual and concrete concepts you can meditate upon. Some of them have strong negative connotations, on purpose. They are supposed to be negative to help inform us of how that manipulator functions.
- No morals, lies, cheat, steals, etc… Have no integrity, and will run over people and not care about it. The obvious lack of character makes this person very dangerous and destructive, especially to those who are tender hearted and want to do what’s right. They use absolute deception to get their way, with very little consideration of outcomes or feelings of others. They devise plans and potential outcomes with no intentions of really ever fulfilling their commitment. They will betray with no problem.
- Inflated sense of self-worth, value, and purpose. It will only hang out with certain types of people because they think they are incredibly special. They make demands and requests which are unreasonable but justified in their mind. They will speak out of their own devised world of expectations. They build up their own view of themselves in fantasy and expect everyone else around them to treat them accordingly. They lash out with vicious threats and guilt trips of someone does not treat them as they desire. They will also sulk, act wounded, wine, and draw on the sympathy of others.
- Emotionally unstable, moody, depressed. View themselves as doormat sub consciously. Blame others for their failure. Complex self-image problems. They view themselves as entirely incapable; therefore when others expect something out of them, they will fight the whole way. They view themselves as victims of others’ mistakes and outcomes. They have discovered how to survive by having others feel sorry for them and always have to watch what they say for fear of hurting their feelings. This person very rarely has healthy relationships with friends outside of family.
- Depends on others, indecisive, needy, won’t grow up, attach themselves to those who help them, with guilt trips. May even threaten others. Use ultimatums to manipulate. These individuals will usually struggle with depression, self-esteem, self-worth, and know it. They have, although, discovered how to suck life from others and never ultimately take steps forward. They use guilt upon those who hold them accountable. They will also threaten using fear of loss.
- Emotionally expressive, can be seductive, etc… Have to be the center of attention and use their sexuality to manipulate. They can use charm and entrap others by mentally pulling them to do what they want. They will also use emotional blackmail to scare others and intimidate with threats. They operate in borderline witchcraft through the control they exude.
- Punishes by accusing others, controls through sulking. Demonizes others with false accusations in order to manipulate, when they are the ones causing the situation. They quit functioning in their relationship in order to manipulate and punish. Very deceitful. Silent treatment, and won’t open up. Excuses about trust and weariness will arise. This person can also deceive multiple people altogether by drawing from the sympathy of well meaning hearts.
- High energy, can threaten, over extend others, insensitive to others, very demanding, and manipulate the intimidation. They manipulate through many of their blind spots. They don’t really stop to discuss the feelings of others or consider the perspective of others. They see themselves as mighty leaders and plow forward at all costs. They can be passionate about tasks and not see how they make others operate under guilt, fear, and insecurity.
- Liar, possible criminal background, will steal. Struggle with sense of identity therefore have created a false one to impress and manipulate others. Needy for a sense of self-worth. This person will use promises and sell ideas to others in order to get what they want. They struggle with clarity on who they are, because they have created so much of who they are using the power of fantasy.
- Goal oriented on getting fix at all costs, and will do anything to anyone the matter who they are, including loved ones. They are emotionally addicted, and would deceive anyone
7 Vulnerabilities of the Human Heart (to manipulation)
1. People pleasing
2. Constant need for approval or acceptance
3. Fear of negative emotions
4. Lack of assertiveness and inability to say “no”
5. Vanishing person
6. Lack of self-reliance
7. External locus of control
More in-depth explanation –
1. People pleasing – when someone’s focus is entirely on pleasing others. Growing up, this was their
culture, all they knew, or possibly one of the greatest passions of their heart. This can open them up to
manipulation from others who aim to take advantage of that. This person can get a strong sense of value
from pleasing in serving others. They may view their self-image entirely as a servant of people. They could
have a skewed sense of perception on boundaries in regards to serving the needs and pleasing the desires
of others. This person could possibly have had an upbringing where they had no choice but to learn to
function by almost anticipating someone else’s desires. Strong characteristics can also be low self-esteem,
lack of self-worth, and lack of solid identity. Because of this the person will try to accommodate
everyone’s wishes, demands, requests, pressures, and suggestions.
2. Constant need for approval or acceptance – though this sounds the same as people pleasing,
it is entirely different. Need for approval is rooted more in self-image issues. Acceptance needed by
someone could be an indicator that they have a rejection complex wrestling with them from within. This
puts the person in that hunger and constant desire to get approval and acceptance of others before they
will make decisions, take actions, or do things on their own. Their greatest fear can be that someone
would disapprove or go against them. This could be prominent in those individuals who are afraid or
uncomfortable with conflict altogether.
3. Fear of negative emotions – fear negative emotions is when someone makes decisions and
functions based on steering away from others’ reactions to them. This is also one those individuals who
are fearful of conflict and avoided all cost. Once the manipulator realizes that he would use it for his
advantage. Their worst nightmare is that someone would lash out to them in anger, or disapproval, or
frustration, or a negative facial expression. This person will avoid creating or evoking any negative
emotion out of someone else. Because of this, a manipulator will figure out all they have to do is act angry
– in this individual will do as they wish.
4. Lack of assertiveness and inability to say “no” – this individual has had little success at ever
saying no to anyone for a variety of reasons. They are really unaware of the issues of boundaries,
limitations, or even the value system of being able to rest (by not value in rest, they do not have enough
willpower or see the importance of saying no). This individual can simply be asked to do just about
anything and they will say yes. They can struggle with an obligation or feeling that they must always
accommodate the requests of others. These individuals can be prone to having guilt when saying no. This
can also be common among those who are “works – based” thinkers. They work for their value – and
therefore believe that saying no to someone, is rejecting them, or not showing a “Christian witness.” This
is completely unhealthy thinking. Lack of assertiveness can be a developmental issue in the upbringing,
where the individual never learned how to put their foot down, have backbone, or stand up for
themselves. Another part of this can be lack of self esteem where they value others over themselves.
5. Vanishing person – this person lacks clarity on their identity. They have a limited understanding
about themselves, and don’t have a clarity on “who” they are. This person’s identity continues to get
more and more blurry as life beats them up. They potentially started with the lack of clarity and identity,
and the more and more life and people push them around, the more they lose a sense of identity. They
don’t know their likes or dislikes, their wishes and dreams, their desires, their gifts, their worst, their
value, and who they are or who they will become. Because of this blurriness – they become easy for
manipulators to dominate. They can sometimes have very needy personalities because they don’t know
who they are – and therefore attach themselves to someone else. [This is why it's important to teach your
child who they are in Christ!]
6. Lack of self-reliance – this person doesn’t know what clothing to wear, where to work, when to
smile, when to say something, or where to live. They always need someone else to lead them, show them
the way, give them direction, instruct them, explain to them things, and much more. This person has
never become responsible or realize their potential. They lack a self-responsible, self-mastering, and
selfinitiative part of their heart to do anything. Their entire life revolves around being supported by others in
all that they do. Without self-reliance, people are easier to manipulate because they depend on others.
The ones upon whom they depend can easily dominate them and direct them to do various things even
against this person’s wishes and desires.
7. External locus of control – your locus of control is the core of who you are. An internal locus of
control means that you internally determine the quality of life. External locus of control means that you
view that every external circumstance, and factor – determines the quality of your life. People with an
external locus of control have a bad day because of bad weather. They have a bad day because someone
didn’t smile at them. They have a bad day because someone did say hi to them. But a person of internal
locus of control has a great day no matter what is going on externally.
I wanted to take just one place in New Testament life where manipulation affected the lives of well-meaning and very Godly people. This is just one scenario out of the many lessons in the epistles writen by the patriarch apostles to their spiritual children. The example which follows, although, is Jesus, bringing something to light in a very amazing church. Sobering!
Check out this verse: Revelation 2:18-20 “And unto the angel of the church in Thyatira write; These things saith the Son of God, who hath his eyes like unto a flame of fire, and his feet are like fine brass; I know thy works, and charity, and service, and faith, and thy patience, and thy works; and the last to be more than the first. Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.”
Now I wanted to bring it home for us by giving some perspective right off the bat on why understanding manipulative difficulties within a local church setting is crucial for both leaders and attendants or members of a church. The claws and grips of spiritual state of affairs are usually under the radar of the common individual who is enjoying what God is doing in the local church. Being a senior pastor, lends me to the more in depth panorama of behind-the-scene issues involved in running and leading a local church. This is important because I am not just pointing out people in general who are manipulated. I want to shed light on the fact that manipulation can exist anywhere where human nature is in operation.
The scene of the local church is a complex one. Following God, being the probable main objective of every leader, mixed with the many states of maturity of those within the congregation is a very sticky picture. You also have various levels of commitment levels, understanding levels, denominational backgrounds, perspectives and interpretations of the leadership, and one of the most crucial – various degrees of wounded-ness within the hearts of individuals. Pastoring a church is like managing a car without always having the place and right from people to understand what’s going on under the hood. People have various comfort levels, trust issues, struggles with insecurities, agendas, personal ambitions, extremely different expectations, pressures smothering people’s capacity to both love God and receive from you as a leader.
Dealing with a jezebel is complex. Understanding manipulation is the core playground to be equipped with and familiar with in order to begin to understand how to deal with this person or spirit influencing the actions of this spirit. A usual charismatic approach would be to simply pray and leave it to God. Although that is our main manner of managing, through prayer, it’s important for each of us to have discernment, wisdom, and steps of action in handling these situations.
Here Jesus said, “You get an “A” in love. You get an “A” in serving. You get an “A” in persistence. You get an “A” in faith. But you get an “F” in handling manipulation.”
Most pastors would be grateful and excited to pastor a church which excels in basically the core New Testament values systems – faith, servanthood, patience, and of course, love. But Jesus called their deficiency, they lacked either will-power or “how-to” on handling and stopping a manipulation person who had lied, wrongfully called herself prophetic, and was rooted into the local church, and obviously doing damage.
Uprooting a relationally rooted person in a local church usually comes with great sacrifice, with many parts of potential explosive scenarios on the scene, usually not caught by many. Some plow ahead with no skill or strategy by attacking the person and causing a woundedness which goes beyond what they wanted and expected. Retaliation among the flock begins to take its toll and subtraction to life, energy, momentum, attendance, and courage begins to take place.
What has taken place, is a manipulative person or picture has developed. Roots have found their way into different strengths of the church like ropes, tying things together, and causing things to be diabolically connected in ways where pulling one piece, causes 10 to 20 pieces to fall to the floor. In other words, making forceful decisions with a shot gun approach can cause way more damage to a local church seemingly than the manipulation itself.
This probably is some of the main reasons in America, 1,500, pastors quit or end or burnout from ministry altogether, PER MONTH! Wow! Think about that. These manipulation headquarters can be a local church with an honest leader trying to make things happen while following God to the best of his ability.
Power threats, doused with intimidation and scary actions cause the pastor to be gripped not just under the power of manipulation, but they feel manipulation starting to maneuver the flock altogether. The pastor begins to watch some in the flock going through vulnerable misunderstandings, not realizing that they could themselves be a part of a mass deceptive scheme happening. Half-truths, lies, gossip, demonization of the character of the leader, accusation against misunderstood and unexplained actions of the leader, cause an emergence of strength within the plot of the manipulator.
I have lately been saying, it’d be interesting if God removed the power of witchcraft from a city, how many churches within that city would actually close down. Many well-meaning Christians could technically qualify as authentic witches by the actual degree of mind-control they exude upon others in that local church.
Keep in mind, this happens to a church, not just because many Christians are vulnerable to manipulation, but also because satan hates what God has given to the local church. He has given the local church His presence and sonship. Satan hates the church because of that. More to that bargain, woundedness is a major player in the lives and worldviews that make up the chemistry and interactions of manipulators with the manipulated.
It’s important to not aim to call anyone out as a “jezebel” within a local church at all costs, but to know how to manage situations through properly identifying the context of how certain situations are made up, knowing how to disarm them through our own repentance and assuming of full responsibility of our part of the ordeal, and to grow in strength in resistance tactics which make us more immune to manipulation altogether.
Manipulation eats up many leaders, members, and disciples of the local church. The worst part of the tragedy is the weakening of the Kingdom advancement eaten up by the vicious appetite by the spirit of manipulation.
It’s no wonder Jesus addresses manipulation within this local church – think about how it prevents the Holy Spirit from being able to inspire men and women with direction. Think about how it puts brakes on the Will of God within the lives of certain people (though His Kingdom, nothing can stop). Think about the disillusionment it brings to young disciples, and God loving souls with very little strength. Think about the reinforcing warfare brought upon those who already struggle with a form of torment or bondage within that local church. Think about how jezebel creates a confirmation to the ideas and accusatory deadly words spoken against the leader of a local church, backing those who hold offense, or hold bitterness or resentment against the leader. Think about all the souls that leave the local church, and never return. Think about what it does to the honor of the name of our King, Jesus.
This is not to create another level of intimidation within our minds. This is not to magnify the power of manipulative spirits. This is paint a more in depth picture into our hearts to bring insight to us on how deep manipulative situations make up the picture of a local church. If manipulation takes geography of a local church, then how much does that impact the influence of God’s Spirit in the context that men and women are vulnerable to an intimidation that prevents them. Though He’s God, His children suffer at the heels of manipulation, especially when untrained to recognize manipulation, or betting yet, their very vulnerabilities to manipulation. If we stay uninformed, we will remain vulnerable.
The equipping concept is crucial. Ephesians 4 actually says leaders are to equip the Body for the work of the ministry. Actually, the word “equip” in Greek is the word meaning “repair” believers for the work of the ministry. Repaired people are more whole. They become less and less vulnerable to the strings of manipulation.
Dealing with this type of teaching is far from tidy. It’s a nasty topic. It’s horrific on some scales. It surfaces the grossest aspects of ministry and simultaneously surfaces probably some of the worst of human nature altogether. Manipulation means we can have many reasons to make some heart-checks, and also go through various degrees and seasons of repentance when examination reveals our heart is guilty of participation.
The more little teachings on this topic you hear, the most your understanding will attain perspective, revealing to you the complexities of human nature at its worst. Moreover, it’s important for you to understand blind spots are brutal. Convincing someone of a blind spot takes the help of the Holy Spirit.
Prayer: “Holy Spirit, we ask you for your help. Bring truth to me as I join into this teaching. Reveal tools and equipment to my spirit man. Open my eyes to be able to see things happening on a whole new level. In Yeshua’s name, Amen.”
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